I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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