it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
