Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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