just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
