I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
