I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
