so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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