We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
