And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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