He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
