i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Text me some of your sweat
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize