Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
