I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
