dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
