Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize