Got a toothbrush?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
