Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Vodka?
Forever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
