threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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