I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
