Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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