Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
