Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
