I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
