I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
