I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
