I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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