it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
