I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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