you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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