I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
