We need to rekindle our bromance
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
