I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
