Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
