well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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