I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
