he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
