It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize