Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
