Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
