Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
