if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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