im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
