Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
