i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
