I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
