you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
