I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i think my cat just said my name.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
