When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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