He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
