These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
