I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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