im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
