I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
