Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
