So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
