You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
