i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
