Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We have so much sex to catch up on
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
