I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need to sanitize my soul.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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