Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
