Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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