The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
