I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You are the jesus of drinking
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize