The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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