Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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