The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
