Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They took my balls.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
