she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
